I NEVER SAID I LOVE YOU

I’ve never said to my mum ‘I love you’ and my mum has never said it to me. I know she loves me but I’ve never heard those words. My mum’s eighty-three now so, you know, I don’t know how much longer I’ll have her. I mean, every time I leave her I give her a big cuddle but I can’t say those words. What if my mum passes and I’ve never said it? I know, if I don’t tell my mum I love her, I’ll regret it.

IT'S THE FIRST FOREVER THING

And of course it's fine to not want to be something, of course it's fine to not know how to do something, it's natural, I really believe that. I'm just trying to be honest with myself. But what I haven't been able to do is be honest with others. I've not been able to stand up and say 'I'm not her husband', or, 'I'm not her boyfriend', and 'I'm not in love with her' and 'I'm not able to commit to this' and 'I'm not able to cope with this'. To say that out loud is something that is very very difficult.

NO ONE CAN LIVE HERE WITHOUT LOVE

No one can live here without love. Everybody needs it.

If you see someone from a different place and if you meet them, you should treat them nice, you should give them respect. We should treat each other the same. We're not different, we're the same people

YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS COMING NEXT

She drove JCB's, tractors, everything. Wonderful tango dancer. Wonderful tango, ahhhhhhhhhhh. I just let her go her own way, because she was her own person. There was no way you could tell Mamie what to do, no way. I just let her go. She'd go into a pub and she'd just get on the mic and start singing, start singing. She's just wonderful and people loved her, people loved her. I think I miss ...you didn't know what was coming next

I LOVED HIM FOR SIX YEARS

I had two best friends and they were both boys, and one of them I fell in love with and I loved him for six years, but I never told him because I was scared it would ruin our friendship. And if he wouldn't feel the same way, we'd never feel the same way to each other ever again.

I CAN FEEL VULNERABLE IN LOVE

I think, particularly with patrick's death, he was my son but I had him when I was very young, I was seventeen, I was a single mother. So, all my adult life I had been with Patrick, he was my one constant. That was a love story in itself. And then loss but maybe discovery of my love for you more, it deepened and solidified. I was committed to loving you but never let myself feel vulnerable in that love.  So to discover that I could feel vulnerable in love and actually feel strong from it, that it was safe, was a huge learning lesson for me.

Book: Journeys to the Heart

With an Introduction from Claire Balding this beautiful and poignant book shares 34 stories heard during my walking pilgrimage through Scotland in the spring of 2017.

You can buy you copy of the book from the Publishers Birlinn or from Amazon, where there is also an ebook available.

Thanks and blessings to all who shared their stories, joined me along the path, and all at Birlinn who believed in the project and have brought this book into being.